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Gutfeld: Masks might become part of the American Left’s identity forever

Gutfeld: Masks might become part of the American Left's identity forever

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I’m so excited, and you know why? 

Because we have a new victim class, one that is now a target for discrimination — even hate. We call them “the masked.”

It seems the Department of Justice is appealing the recent court ruling in order to reinstate the mask mandate on planes, trains and busses. 

No word yet on escalators, elevators or when Tyrus carries me up a flight of stairs. Yes, like a little child. 


The CDC, which now stands for the Center for Domination & Control, also said that face diapers were still needed for indoor travel, claiming it’s to protect our health — but also to protect their authority. 

Information signs are displayed at a retail store in Buffalo Grove, Ill. (AP Photo/Nam Y. Huh) 
(AP Images)

True, they fear that this recent ruling makes the CDC as irrelevant as the Cuomo brothers. 

And while there are new cases of COVID, hospitalizations remain flatter than Lia Thomas in a tube top.

So what you’re seeing is an essential problem that comes with power. They start loving wars, but they hate ending them. You want evidence? Look at Vietnam or Afghanistan. 

They went on well past the public’s desire for it. Meanwhile, the Patriot Act has more extensions than Kat. Look at the drug war, it’s still going on. Yet Kat and I are winning. Still, it’s a war that creates more casualties than it prevents.

It’s like COVID. They create the problem, then they create a solution that doesn’t work and causes permanent damage. And COVID is another war that those in power wish would stick around because it gives them authority to f— with your freedoms. 

As Politico points out, public health and legal experts worry it could diminish their power over public health. And did you see how the media reacted to the end of the mask mandate? Not good. 

JOY REID: Did announcing the end of the mask mandate literally in the middle of a flight kind of let those A-holes win?

LAWRENCE O’DONNELL: This was basically Donald Trump as a federal judge today. 

JOE SCARBOROUGH: I don’t think this ruling makes a lot of legal sense. 

MSNBC GUEST: She obviously is clueless. 

CNN CORRESPONDENT: This is a legal ruling. It is not a scientific ruling. 

ABC GUEST: Well, then it’s not only not the right time, it’s a little early, but it’s not even the right manner in which these mandates were overturned. 

DR. PETER HOTEZ: The idea that some random, federal judge in Florida would overturn the Centers for Disease Control is also a scary precedent to set. 

Toobin looks terrible. 

Fact is, there is no mask confusion. If you want to wear one, knock yourself out, because if you don’t, someone unmasked will, according to Chuckle Bucket Paul Krugman, who predicts violence against “the masked.”

So should we now expect a rash of new mask hate crimes? Isn’t that what they kind of want — more conflict created by a new category of division?

The pandemic triggers the Left’s tribal instinct, so much so they created a new protected class: “the masked.”

In identity politics, you have people of color, women, nonbinary types, the disabled. Most important, you have the oppressed who can do no wrong, and oppressors who can do no right. And the masked will fit right in if the media and the Dems have their way.

And they will be immune to criticism and always under attack by hateful Republicans. 

Coronavirus prevention face masks.

So what’s next? Hate crime legislation to protect the masked? And if I choose to wear a mask, will I be appropriating the identity of the authentically masked?

Can someone applying for college get special dispensation if they check off the “masked” box? Will corporations create mask diversity programs to encourage more masks to join the company? 

Will their unmasked employees someday have to train a masked person to take their job? Will Yankee Stadium have a Mask Day? Will Hollywood now have movies where one or two characters will be masked all the time? 

Will there be a groundbreaking TV series in which two masked people kiss? And what if safe spaces will need protection from the unmasked? 

When you walk into a restaurant, will you be given the choice of sitting in the “masked” or “unmasked” section? Will Darth Vader be their Gandhi? 

Will Slipknot receive a medal of honor? Will the Hamburglar finally be given parole? And what of Buckethead? 

Nope, you don’t know who Buckethead is, so I won’t even ask.

Because this is how leftism works, identify a group, establish their victimhood, target the oppressor, then blow everything out of proportion to make rare events seem ubiquitous. 

MASKED STAFFER: Hey, why didn’t you hold the door open for me, you jerk? Is it because I’m wearing a mask?

UNMASKED STAFFER: I’m sorry. I didn’t even see you back there. 

MASKED STAFFER: Whatever, bigot.

BARISTA: Alright. One large latte and that’ll cost extra for the added espresso. 

MASKED STAFFER: Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Did you really just charge me extra because I’m wearing a mask? 

BARISTA: No, extra shots cost more. I don’t really follow your logic here. I’m sorry. 

MASKED STAFFER: Apparently you don’t follow science, either, now do you, you mask-hater?

UNMASKED STAFFER: Well, you have a very impressive resume, but I’m sorry, we just can’t hire you at this time. 

MASKED JOB APPLICANT: Oh, is it because I cover my face? 

UNMASKED STAFFER: Well, yeah, actually. I mean, the job is for a literal lipstick model. I need to see your lips. 

MASKED APPLICANT: Oh yeah? Well, read my lips. 

UNMASKED STAFFER: You know I can’t. 

MASKED APPLICANT: Your heart is full of hatred. 

Terrible person. 

Of course, it’s not like people are saying that you can’t wear a mask. Instead, it’s about people in power forcing you plebs to wear one. It’s why events like the Met Gala, where the powerful pranced around unmasked while the servants remain masked — kind of turns your stomach. 

It’s a reminder of inferior status and how the Left craves the distinctions in class. So the extremism isn’t coming from the unmasked, but the pro-maskers who privately don’t wear them anyway. 

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It reminds me of how the American Left viewed burqas. They defended the rights of women to wear them, as if there was a choice. 

No, in many Islamic countries, if you didn’t wear a burqa, Allah help you, you’d be beaten or worse. 

But instead of the Left saying women should be free not to wear a burqa, they said they should be free to wear one. It was devious b——- based on the idea that there could only be one oppressor, and it’s always the American public, not radical Islamists. 

That, along with these poor folks, cling to their face diapers. 

I use that term because many of their champions are s—. But it might become part of their identity forever. It’s like a bumper sticker for their face that reads, “Moron on board” or, “I heart groupthink.” 

I say, let them wear them as long as they want. 

It’s like a face tattoo. It’s a good way to figure out who would be a bad babysitter. 

Darshan Shah
the authorDarshan Shah